-Make him go out with you to a fancy restrant for his Birthday when it isn’t his Birthday. Get all offended when he won’t eat anything. Start crying.
-Send him love letters and sign them “You dearest Victoria”.
-Follow him around concentrating really hard on songs from shows such as Barney and The Wiggles
-Every time he walks near you jump in front of the nearest car and scream “Save me Edward!”
-Tell him that you do know what Bella is thinking and refuse to tell him what that is.
-Every time you see Bella after the above, look at her as if in deep concentration and from time to time look at Edward and go, “Oooh, Thats Juicy!”
-Challenge him to a breath holding contest and accuse him of cheating.
-Take his pulse and call 911 when you ‘discover’ he doesn’t have any.
-When you ‘discover’ he’s a vampire, throw holy water on him and shout,”The power of Christ compels you!”
-tell him he seems cold and ask if he wants a blanket
-Push him out into the sunlight and jump on his back shouting the words to “Diamonds Are A Girls Best Friend” but change the word girl to werewolf and the word diamonds to Edwards.
-Summon an arsenal of Gay men to hit on him constantly.
-Sit in his room and stare at him for hours.
-When he demands why you’re staring at him tell him that you’re not leaving until he falls asleep.
-When he tells you he can’t sleep, threaten that Santa won’t come if he stays awake.
-Read him a list of reasons why he should marry Mike Newton.
-Read him a longer list of reasons why Bella should marry Mike Newton.
-Go on to read a list of reasons why he should marry Jacob.
-Try to convince him that Bella his Charlie and Billy’s love child.
-Spray cheese into his mouth and force him to swallow it, all the while yelling, “WHAT’S WRONG EDWARD, DON’T YOU LIKE THE CHEEEEEEEESE?!
-Tell Bella that he’s gay.
-Whenever he gets mad at you for annoying him so much, turn to the nearest person and go,”Don’t worry, its just his time of the month.”
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